The Good in the Bad......

So it was very interesting at the ER yesterday.

Crunchy Husband is the best person to have with you. He is very capable and takes on everything and is so great at knowing just when I need him to speak for me or that I need something. This is why I love the guy.

This is despite the fact that he never wants to see the inside of a hospital again...he has had his fill between his dad and his mom's ongoing illnesses.

We were quiet when we felt like it and we chit chatted and joked around when we felt like that. He made the time go by as nicely as possible. Despite he too being exhausted and frightened. It didn't help that our doc sounded like David Caruso on CSI Miami.

How terrifying to find your wife on the bathroom floor moaning and crying (naked), soaked in sweat and having difficulty breathing. He did what any sane man would do..called my mom. But not before getting me a cold cloth and a towel and help clean me up. All in a calming soothing tone.

So when it became clear that the doctors were a bit mystified by my symptoms we were both fascinated to see what would happen next. What did they do? Pass me onto another doctor....one we were told, was a 'internal medicine' specialist.

He casually dropped in the conversation that he was actually an 'Oncologist'....we all know what that is. Both of us at once knew that they had all been treading verrry carefully around us about what they THOUGHT I might have. Nobody was going to say the "C" word.

What actually did my darling husband in was the mention of a 'hear murmur'...a very faint one. His dad had a quadruple bypass. I watched his face crumple at the mention and could see his pain and worry written all over his face.

It actually didn't surprise me, my old doc had always said I had a funny hiccup in my blood pressure and that was what it was ..this little murmur. No biggie. My mom has one too.

But it was just one more worry for my husband.

I could feel his fierce love for me right there. It was like a warm blanket wrapped around my soul.

The fear of the bad reminded us of all the good. We fight. We bicker. We have good times and bad times. We have ongoing issues....but we love one another. We have loved one another since pretty much the moment we met. Nobody knows or will ever know how close a bond the two of us have. Nobody can feel what we feel. They only see the surface stuff. We will always be together...no matter what.

Anyway....back to the murmur. The only thing the murmur did was push the doctors more toward this one diagnosis. This Carcinoid Syndrome which appears to be a non fatal tumour that has different affects depending where it settles (or where they settle) as it gives out some sort of hormone. They think my symptoms point to this.

We are still skeptical, but are happy to have all the tests in the world to figure it out.

We still think it is more to do with the Welbutrin...which can have bizarre side effects.

Today is back to the real world. Errands to run, chores to do. Children who didn't want to show they were worried to be comforted. Caity is a funny thing. Oh and I have to save all my pee for the next 24 hours in a jug to be kept in the fridge. Beside the dead fish that has yet to be buried.

My life is weird.

Oh and terrified mom to comfort. My mom who has held back and kept away apart from leaping in to help us with the kids. I can only imagine how scared she is. She will get a big hug today.

So the good from the bad? I guess the reminder of how precious we are to each other. To remember to always show how much we care. To remember why we all love each other.

Think of all the good.